It’s that time of year again. The days are getting shorter and the first leaves have loosened from their branch as the dog days of summer give way to the traditions of fall. It’s the time of year that children march back into school, cool air sets in, and our Saturdays begin to take on new meaning. Fans are firing up their grills while bands around the nation tune their instruments. Barren fields of concrete will soon become gathering places for the masses as they converge on stadiums that have finally awoken from their winter slumber. Can you feel it? Tigers roam the bayou, stalking their prey, as a tide of crimson rolls in from the south. Trojans are sharpening their swords and polishing their armor out west, preparing for a long four months of battle. They’re waking the echoes and shaking down the thunder as the luck of the Irish returns to the north. A blizzard is forming in the East, set to blanket Beaver Stadium in a fresh coat of white, while the residents of Madison, WI prepare for an earthquake.
Football is back!
Beloved and thrilling subjects such as this fall tradition make for great movie material, and Hollywood has been making college football movies since the dawn of cinema. While true stories like Rudy (1993) and We Are Marshall (2006) continue to find their way on-screen, some of the most memorable stories come from fictional universities and players. To celebrate the start of the 2019 College Football season, we’ve provided you with a full, Saturday slate of fictional matchups featuring college teams from some of our favorite football movies.
The Metro City Statesmen came out of nowhere and rose to prominence last season thanks to rising stars QB Zook Haythe and WR Brad McQuaid, who combined for the majority of the Statesmen’s offensive production last season. However, Metro City enters this year without their star receiver, who turns out is cop named Jenko. He’ll be trading in field turf for the mean streets as he catches criminals instead of footballs this fall. Without a number one target, Zook will have to rely on his pocket awareness and strong arm to carry the offense. The Statesmen also return their star safety, Rooster, who is looking to repeat last year’s success.
The rag-tag group of misfits at Heartland State University were able to use ingenuity and unorthodox measures to upset the Lone Star State Unbeatables on their way to a victory at the 2nd Annual Toilet Bowl. The Comebacks will be looking for lightning to strike again in 2019 as they open the season against Metro City. On a more serious note, we are happy to report that the head coach of The Comebacks, Lambeau Fields, has made a full recovery from last year’s bus accident.
Legendary coach Red Beaulieu’s University of Louisiana Cougars are looking to bounce back after last season’s tough Bourbon Bowl loss. Two-way starter LB/FB Greg Meaney returns to pace the Cougar attack. Graduation took a toll on the Cougars, but this program always seems to find a way to stick around late in the year thanks to Coach Beaulieu’s legendary, offensive mind and infamous playbook.
Eastern State University is led by returning Heisman candidate Joe Kane. The All-American quarterback struggled with off the field issues last season, but he’s now sober and looking to claim the Heisman that many believe he should have won a year ago. In the backfield, the Timberwolves boast one of the most exciting young players in the conference, RB Darnell Jefferson, who looks to build upon his stellar freshman year. The defense will be the question for ESU in 2019 after losing DE Steve Lattimer to graduation and LB Alvin Mack to a gruesome knee injury. There’s been word that Mack, rated highly on many NFL scouting reports prior to his injury, could return late in the year. The doctors continue to voice their amazement with his progress, which is well ahead of schedule, but the Timberwolves certainly won’t be able to count on him until November at the earliest. ESU’s Sam Winters returns to the sidelines after last year’s success, putting to rest any rumors of a head coaching change.
ESU’s balanced offensive attack will prove too much to handle for Red Beaulieu’s Cougars as Joe Kane and the Timberwolves light up the scoreboard in a blowout.
The University of Texas Colts enter the season ranked #1 in the nation, largely on the back of their strong defense led by All-American DE Harlan “Flat-Top” Meyers. Their offense is no slouch either, putting up big numbers last season on their way to a 9-1 record. However, the Colts have a large chip on their shoulders as they look to prove last year’s slip-up against rival Texas State was nothing more than a fluke.
The Southwest Texas Bobcats are also known for the defense, led by Sidney Harris. The linebacker, whose incessant barking at opposing quarterbacks earned him the nickname “Doberman,” will take a significant bite out of the Colts’ offense; however, give the Colts enough time and they’ll find a way to put points up on the board.
This one should be a low-scoring affair, with both quarterbacks running for their lives against two of the best defensives players in the conference. “Flat Top” Myers and the Texas Colts will bring the dogcatcher with them tonight as they’ll ultimately prevail to record their first win of the season.
The all-new roster and coaching staff from last year’s Fighting Armadillos of Texas State return for their second season, still playing under heavy penalties issued by the Commission following the university’s athletic violations. After a more than rocky start, the Armadillos turned things around last year and ended the season on a high note, upsetting the undefeated Texas Colts. The heart of the Armadillos, 34-year-old quarterback Paul Blake, returns to lead the team with three years of eligibility remaining. Blake’s number one receiving target, Featherstone, is poised for a breakout year after shaking his case of the drops in last year’s season finale. The speedster who boasts a 13 second flat 100 meter hurdles time will likely see double coverage all night from the Mud Dogs with safety help over the top.
On the defensive side of the ball, the Armadillos are led by returning DT Andre Krimm, who enters the season as an Outland Trophy favorite. It’s yet to be seen what kind of toll last year took on the Armadillos’ older stars, Blake and Krimm, but the news out of Texas State is neither one shows signs of slowing. Returning to join Krimm in holding down the defense is linebacker Eric “Samorai” Hansen, the only one-way player on the Armadillo’s roster.
The South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dogs are coming off a true Cinderella story. The perennial losers went from worst to first after suiting up their 31-year-old waterboy, Bobby Boucher. The linebacker with a nasty mean streak lead the Mud Dogs to their first ever Bourbon Bowl championship, where they upset the heavily favored University of Louisiana Cougars. The All-American linebacker and Heisman Trophy candidate returns alongside QB Gee Grenouille and TE Lyle Robideaux.
South Central Louisiana State is the favorite in this one, with Bobby Boucher expected to have a field day against the Armadillos’ aging quarterback. As the night goes on, the two-way players of the Armadillos will have to find a way to stay fresh in the Texas heat if they want any chance of pulling this one out. The Mud Dog’s one man wrecking crew will ultimately carry the team on his back yet again as they edge out the Fighting Armadillos in a close one.
We’ll have to imagine the outcomes of these fictional matchups, but there are plenty of great games in real-life coming this college football season. The action starts Saturday night at 7:00pm Eastern as the Miami Hurricanes host their in-state rival Florida Gators. Enjoy the action!